I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The beer is more important than you right now.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
