I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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