dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
