once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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