3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
