Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
