I think im going to throw up on grandma
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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