Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
