dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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