My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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