Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
