Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
