Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
