Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize