last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
