there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
