He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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