Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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