No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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