from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
