I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize