my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
