So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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