There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just had sex on a roof
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
