Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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