Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
