I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
