I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Randomize
