yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
