I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
