I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you had me at cake vodka
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
