The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
