Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
