coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
