I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize