ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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