Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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