She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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