Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it was like eating out sand paper
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
