i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
