# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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