i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
