What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
