thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
