You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
