I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
