I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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