508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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