I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
