...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
