whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
