Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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