was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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