Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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