Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
