i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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