I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
