I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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