I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I have post one night stand depression
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
