i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
