i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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