life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
