Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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