i just had sex bonerless
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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