i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
